It’s scary when doctors do so many tests, week after week after week, and then finally say, “Well, things are still going downhill, and it’s very possible one or more of your babies will die.” Technically, technically, they have a chance of living if they’re born now – drastically premature, just over viability – but since they’ve already been doing badly for so long, we can’t guarantee it. We’re very sorry. We’ll discuss your options next time. Then they send us home to wait for next week’s scan.
It’s hard not to worry about what’s going to happen. Last night I was trying to feel all three of them kick, concentrating very hard, but the only one I could distinctly feel was on the right side – Maksio, the biggest baby and only one still without any problems. The others could’ve been sleeping or their movements just could’ve been less strong because they are smaller than he is – but still, I went to sleep worrying. Last night I dreamed only one baby was born – only Maksio. But all we can do is wait for the next scan.
A couple weeks ago I bought a mountain of fabric – red, blue, yellow, and green, and some with monkeys and some with toucans – to make them each a baby quilt. I’ve already finished the pale pink-and-grey quilt for my baby niece due in September, but I can’t make myself look at that rainbow pile in the closet. I’m afraid to commit myself to believing all three of my own babies are going to need such silly, superfluous things as baby quilts. So instead I’m making my 3-year-old daughter a crocheted flower afghan, because she’s definitely here and not going to leave me. Except, she could. Any of us could leave this life at any time – illness, freak accident – and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. Except wait, and pray.
(Pattern is “Lotus Moon Tiles” by Polly Plum.)
Feel free to print copies of this coloring page for your kids, class, or self… just please don’t repost it on the internet, remove my name, sell, etc.🙂
Link to this page, and give credit if you post your colored version, thanks!